Finally FREE

The other day, I was on the metro on my way home and this loud obnoxious guy got in my car. Of course I didn't want to draw any attention to myself so, I tried my best to focus intently on the book I was reading, PRAYING that he would not look my way. Annnd... it didn't work! As he sang this song with lyrics subtley implying that you need to enjoy your life ..."Live Ya Life OH OH OH...Live Ya Life..."I struggled to focus on my book hoping he would get off at the next stop. I reeeaaaally didn't want to be bothered. I was tired and just ready to go home. Seems like he knew that because it wasn't long before he tried to grab my attention..."Hey chocolate"he says from across the train. I gulped hard and struggled to concentrate with my head buried in my book, ignoring the call as I thought to myself - not tonight - good grief. Besides, as many women on the metro that night -CERTAINLY he wasn't talking to me!? Then he calls again..."Excuse me, chocolate with the green highlighter". Well at that point I couldn't avoid but to respond to the call in a respectful manner and hope he just needed to know the time. Besides, no one else had a green highlighter :(. So, I looked up to respond and he anxiously made his way over to the seat across from me. At this point, I am really wondering -Lord WHY ME!? Nevertheless, I gave him a stern yet kind and attentive look. I tried to avoid listening, only to find that I couldn't. As I listened intently hoping that no one would see how interested I really was, he began to speak..."You seem smart and look like you are really into your books", I responded, "Yes", he then went on to say, "So you read and then highlight what might help you later huh?", "Yes", I responded. At this point I wondered, why is he asking so many question and yet why did I feel so at peace and engaged by this strange person. Well, his final statement was the kicker. He turned to me with a look of concern and in a low calm voice said, "Sweetheart, you need to enjoy life, don't be so bottled up, allow someone to love you. Books and reading is good but ENJOY LIFE". As I gazed at him puzzled by his simple yet thought provoking statements, trying to validate the fact that he really didn't even know me,I couldn't help but be honest with the truth; his words really struck a cord. (you would need to have been in my conversations the previous week to really understand where I am coming from but I knew this was God). And so as he exited the train, I tried to get back to reading but it was impossible because the silence was so loud. I watched him get off at the next stop and pick up his song where he left off ..."Live Your Life OH OH OH" as he faded into the night like "Joe Black". I wondered, was that an Angel? And, to this day, I think he was. Which brings me to my point as it ties into the title of this blog..."Finally FREE". After a painful divorce, 3 years ago, I thought certainly three years later- I'M FREE - right? Wrong! I didn't realize until I soul searched the night after the metro ride, I was still bound- by MY OWN choice. After the hurt I had experienced, it was EASIER and safer to silently reside in Egypt. Safer to hide in my books, retreat to my apartment, remain in fear and not trust again or camp out in my own hurt and personal space. It was just easier to avoid hurt and not let anyone in. Well, since the encounter with the "angel", I am taking strides to trust again, live again and love again..OH OH OH. I choose to be FREE - free to give, to love and to live. Today ...I am making better choices on who deserves my love, my trust, my time and my space AND yes I expect it to be reciprocated BUT if by chance I love someone unworthy and unable to value me or return the favor of love-I have decided to let it go! Why? Because I'm free...Finally FREE! I'm livin' my life...OH OH OH! I pray you do the same! Love ya and stay encouraged!